Well I havent written in a few days due to the fact that A) I have been incredibly busy with the thankless task I call my job and B) I havent felt like I was really 'here' much in the last few days. By this I mean that i've felt as though I've been here in body but from afar I have just been watching myself going about my day to day living, not really feeling it- just observing. Either this has something to do with the new medication I am taking or I am just feeling a bit under the weather at present or the last option, which could quite easily also cover the first two options- I am in fact crazy!
Today is another Monday where my alarm went off and I pulled the duvet over my head and groaned 'not time to get up already!'. I walked a different way to work this morning- they say that change is as good as a rest- well I disagree with them- whoever 'they' may be!!! It took me the same amount of time to walk to work but was a completely stress inducing exercise- instead of the peaceful route I usually take through the Cathedral grounds, skipping along with birds and butterflies following me (ok so not completely true but you get what I mean) I walked via the roadway, under the fly-over and through an industrial estate- all I could hear was traffic, so my time for gathering my thoughts at the start of the day was completely ruined!
Now I don't know about other people but I quite like my 'alone time' in the morning- it's a small window between seeing people I live with and having to talk all day to customers & colleagues at work, where I can take a deep breath, think about things I have to address in my own life, think of the things I'd like to do later and just enjoy the freshness of the morning and the start of a brand new day. It irritates me immensely when this routine gets ruined and I have to hurry to work without time to think. I especially hate it if I bump into someone I know on the way to work and they insist on walking part of the way with me....If this is you then I am sorry, it's nothing personal it's just me and any other time I will happily speak to you, but not at the beginning of my day. So next time you're approaching and you see me gather speed and cross the road, please dont be offended- it's just that I really need time with myself right now.
I've sat at my desk today re-doing some of the work I did on Friday, not for the sheer hell of it or because I'm that rubbish at my job that I have to re-do my work, its just that so many stupid things occur here on a daily basis which means most things will have to be re-done at some point (sigh). I sit here day-dreaming of the kind of job I'd like to do, something which actually filled me with enthusiasm like being a travel agent- people would be happy as they'd be coming in to book fabulous holidays and you'd be making trips possible for them. I'd quite like the job of the blogger for the exotic dessert island- just me, the sun, sand and the internet- I'd only have to speak to people when I chose to. As it stands I have to speak to people when the phone rings, when they email me and when THEY decide. I often feel as though I'm always here- every Monday I get de ja vu- I come in the office, hang up my jacket, put my lunch in the fridge, sit down and check my emails ready for another week. It really does feel like it is perpetually Monday!!!
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